6 years ago today

6 years ago today (the 29th) we brought our little boy home. After 10 years of marriage, 6 years of trying to conceive, and 4 failed adoptions, we finally were parents! It seems like only yesterday.

He was born on 01/02/03, 7lbs 14oz 22 inches long. The most beautiful coneheaded baby I ever saw. After being stuck in his birthmothers birth canal for 12 hours, he was born by C-Section. I was lucky enough to be in the operating room. I did not think I would be, but the BMs mom let me go instead of her. We did not know if the baby was boy or girl, but I was praying for a boy, since the statistics on BMs giving up girls vs boys is not good.  (3 of our previous failed were girls). While I was elated, I was also very wary of becoming attached. Plus the fact I had only 3 hours of sleep in 48hours. (it was a 5 hour drive in January in WI-not good driving weather) We finally went to the hotel at about 1 am. We saw him again in the morning, then drove back home, to go back to work.

We drove up to visit him at the Foster Mothers home 3 times during the month of January. (This is the law in WI) Finally the social worker called with a court date, for the birth parents to give up their parental rights. So, on Jan 27th, I said goodby to all my co-workers, and went to go get him. My husband, myself and my Mother in law drove up in the worst weather possible. We decided that God was just testing us before the baby. My husband drove a semi truck for years, and he said it was some of the worst driving he had ever done. As soon as we got into town, we all had a  very needed drink. Then it was off to a photographer, as the birth mothers mom wanted formal pictures of the baby. Weird, but we had no say. She could get the baby anytime, which she did. The foster mother would make sure he was not fed, and in need of a nap, just to let the BM know how much it takes to have a baby. (I loved her for this) We spent a few hours taking some awful pictures. But at least I have photos to show my son if he asks. We have an open adoption, but have really not stayed that close to the BM. Plus we live in IL now, and she is about 8 hours away.

The next morning, court was to start at 9am. Of course it was delayed. I was beside myself, but the foster mother somehow knew that it was going to go through. Finally at 1pm, the social worker called and said all paperwork was signed off, and he was ours! We had to wait for the birth mother and her family to come back to say their goodbyes. We actually got to see the birth father too, which was good, since he was not in the picture anymore.

When we finally got into the car to head home, I called my Dad. As soon as I told him we were headed home, he started crying (my Dad that is). I am tearing up just typing this, remembering. My sister, of course being the unfeeling gal that she is, just said, “Oh”. Later she apologized, blaming her daughter for acting up during the phone call.

We got home after 11pm, and the baby had slept the whole way home. I feared he would be up all night, but he slept great. To show you how I feared it would fall through, I never even bought diapers. I was lucky that my MIL had brought a small trial pack, or we would have been in trouble. So 2 days after quiting work, I was suddenly a stay at home mom. The only job I have ever really wanted.

Happy adoption day Buzz, I love you more than you will ever know!

I suck

Day 6 of January and I have only worked out twice. Yesterday, I had frozen cookie dough for lunch. Great huh?  Today I got myself back on track by eating better, but I did not work out. I had a mini goal for a night downtown with my husband, but I really will have to step it up since it is only 10 days away. Think I can lose 10lbs by then?

And of course I am bombarded with weight loss shows. And I watch them all and feel guilty for sitting on my butt not doing anything. Tonight my favorite show, Biggest Loser starts again. I will have to really pay attention to Bob & Jillian to kick my ass in gear. I need to do this for my son too, because bad Mom that I am, gave him brownies for dessert and he ate 3! He is doing Tae Kwon Do, so at least he is active, but he eats like crap and it is my fault. I went to the grocery store today and bought all good stuff for him, which he will eat. I am hoping he will lose about 7lbs.

In other news, my sister and her husband are still having problems. I hope they go to counseling, because my sister will have a nervous breakdown if not. It looks like she did have an affair, with her husbands, cousins husband, This of course has caused it’s own problems, on top of their previous problems. I feel so bad whenever I talk to her, because she ends up crying. I wish she would just get it all out with me once and for all. I really worry about my neices too. The oldest, that I have written about, has really been affected by all this. She is a freshman in High School, and is very very moody. Much more than an average teen.

Ok, well I am off to cook a good dinner for my kids, since my hunny is out of town for a WEEK! Yikes.

2009

Ok here it is, 2009 already and I really need to set myself some goals/resolutions for the year. This list ma be added to, but hopefully no deletions!

1. Lose at least 10lbs by April. I will turn 41  and I failed last year to get in shape by 40-so since I am older and wiser, this year it WILL happen. I would love to lose more, but I need to be realistic. Year end gols would be 25lbs, but I have a tendency to gain muscle, so just getting close would be great. And, I have been paying $100 a month for the health club and have NEVER, I repeat, NEVER, used it. $100 x 12-lots of money that could have gone elsewhere.

2. Eat better. This goes hand in hand with the above, but it needs to be done. It will help everyone. My son weighs 73lbs and he is 6. Not good. I would like to see him below 70lbs by April. He is doing Tae Kwon Do, so this is doable.

3. Exersice DAILY! I plan to start P90 tapes today. They say if you do something or 21 days straight, it becaomes habit. I will either prove this wrong or right on Jan 21st!

4. Keep the house cleaner and clutter free. I have a cleaning lady come in and it takes me hal a day to clean up so she can clean. That is stupid and I just need to straighten daily and watch or clutter areas. Or get rid of our kitchen counters-probably easier!!

5. Be credit card debt free by the end of the year. This should be doable. I just need to not add anymore CC debt and pay with cash or debit card whenever possible and if not, pay balance by the next month.

6. Spend more time with my kids. There are days when I feel I have them stay away from me, and play on their own. They are growing too fast and I need to enjoy this time with them. There will be no more babies in this house, so I need to cherish this time with them.

Ok that is it so far. More may be added as the month goes by. I hope everyone had a safe and Happy New Year!