The big one missed us.

Well the big snowstorm they predicted for us did not amount to much, except very slippery roads this morning. We probably got baout 4 inches or so, but of course, the temperature dropped. And, I, having grown up with this crappy weather, was like everyone else and forgot how to drive. Taking my daughter to school, I tried to stop at the enterance to our subdivision. Stop being the operative word. I slid into the intersection. Luckily no one was coming or in front of me. Just enough to get my heart racing and my stomach dropping. I will be sooooo happy to see winter end this year. Yes, the snow falling last night was beautiful, but enough already!

There is nothing even remotely exciting going on in my life right now. I am dealing with sleep issues and bed wetting issues in our house right now. My son still wears a pull up to bed, even though he is 5. Daughter was doing great for awhile, waking up to go potty, but that has all but stopped. I have tried to stop them drinking a few hours before bed, but they still wet. I am tired of washing sheets and mattress covers 2-3 times a week. Anyone have any tips or suggestions on how to get them to stay dry?

Well I will end this now, as not to bore anyone further. Off to finish my homemade cinnamon dolce latte and take a shower.

The husky saga continues….

So today I took the kids to various stores to find son son jeans. He is a very hard to fit size, being he weighs about 60lbs but is only 5 years old. Try and find a husky size 6 ANYWHERE! Of course I only tried a few stores today, but it is a hard size to find. Especially dragging a 5 year old along with you, that would rather go find the toy aisle than try on pants. When I can’t find a husky, I grab every available elastic waist in the store. So Kohls had no husky or elastic waists beside sweat pants. But I stil managed to spend $88 bucks, because the clearance flip flops for the kids will come in handy in the next few weeks-NOT! I tried Wal-Mart next. Nothing below a size 8 in husky. Is my boy the only one? Is there not another chubby little guy anywhere in the Northern Burbs of Chicago? But luckily they had some elastic jobs on clearance, so son has new pants, just no jeans. How can a big store like Wal-Mart not have one pair of elastic waist jeans??

Then I had to return a bra I bought last week on my hour alone trip. Because, stupid me, with no kids to talk loudly in the dressing room about my boobs, I don’t try it on. I see my step sister and her daughter at Vicky’s Secret. Son decides to hide behind me, because he has a crush on his cousin, even though she is 12 years his senoir. As we talk he continues to be shy. After we part I said to him that it was rude not to say hello to his cousin. He says, “Mom! It’s because I didn’t take a shower!” Pretty funny coming from a 5 year old!

And on the son front, he is adopted, and we kept in touch with his Birthmother for the first year and a half. Then she stopped calling and emailing, so I let it drop. We had moved, I was pregnant, and I figured she needed some space. Well it turned out she got pregnant a year after son was born. She let us know about her new son, which she kept, and I told her about my daughter. Then nothing for almost 4 years. Last night I was checking an old email account I have, and there was a message form her. She was just saying hello, and how were we doing. I noticed her email address was 2 names, and neither hers. I wrote her back, and yes, she had another child, a daughter. She said she lives with her fiance. I did not ask if it was the father of either or both of these kids. She is only 23 and already has had 3 kids. Yikes. I just can’t imagine being in her shoes, no good job, no husband or boyfriend to help. I know you don’t need a guy around to help-so please no hate mail-but you get what I mean. So now my son has a half brother and sister too. Who knows if he will ever meet them, but I was actually glad to hear that she is doing ok.

Husband gets home tonight, so I need to go run to the grocery store and get some dinner-Later!

Dinner @ the MILs

So yesterday MIl invites me and the kiddies over for dinner. I, being the most wonderful DIL said yes. Kids were not happy. They are like me and would rather eat dinner at home. Now I really like my MIL, but she has gotten increasingly obnoxious over the last year. She moved closer to us, to an over 55 type community. Now it is about 20 miles from her townhouse she lived in, in a town she lived in for over 36 years. No one told her she must move out here, she is an adult. But you would think we forced her to move. She acts as if we stuck her out in the woods with nary a car to take her anywhere. (She has a brand new car with a nav system, and 4 wheel drive. ) She constantly complains there is nothing near her, that everything was closer at her old house. She lives about 8 miles from one of the busiest retail streets around. But in her mind, she is out in the boonies.

Back to dinner. For some reason, my kids never want to eat a full meal there. Just to punish me for taking them there, they act out. Often. Now, MIL is what I would call an alcholic. She had a heart attack 2 1/2 years ago, stopped drinking for a while, but went right back to it. As soon as you are in the door, she is pushing wine on you. And husband and I are now her designated drivers. She will get toasted faster than a piece of white bread on a BBQ grill. I gave up drinking so I declined the wine, 5 minutes later, “Do you want a glass of wine?” Uh, no. Then dinner, its ok, but I stress about the kids, so I don’t get to enjoy it, plus she has the very annoying habit over talking over you. If you start to say something, she just starts her sentence, not caring if you finished or not. Now I spend all day with 2 preschoolers, so adult conversation is important to me. Not here. I kept looking at my watch to see when I could flee.

Then kids finished eating, and she jumps on th dessert wagon. I say “No”. She is appalled. Like I am horrible that I don’t give them ice cream. But I feel if they don’t eat good, no sweets. Then, she pulls out a plate of cookies. HELLO-I said no! Lucky for me, the cookies were nut covered which son & daughter don’t like. Then she informs me that they are form Christmas. Yuck-I am sorry but frozen and re-frozen cookies don’t get me going. But it really makes me mad that she tries to overstep my boundries by bringing the plate out at all. I know it seems petty, but she does it all the time.

Her one thing that she does that pisses me off the most is by bringing up (or should I say beating the dead horse) about the first time she watched my son. He cried for her. It was the first time in his 11 month life that he had been watched by someone other than husband or I. Hello-this woman has 5 children, I am sure one of them cried for her. But this is brought up at every opportunity. “He cried so!” I have said it was the first time blah blah blah. The blah blahs are because she does not listen. And she wonders why I do’t ask her to babysit.

What to say?

What do you say to someone who you are not that close too, that complains about their weight constantly. The woman that I carpool with is always griping about her weight. She went on Nutrisystem last summer, lost a bit of weight, then gained it all back. Granted, my Husband did the same thing, but he doesn’t complain like her. I tried to first not say anything when she mentioned it, gloss over it if you will. But today she went on and on. I told her she was too hard on herself. It did not help. And to be honest, in the 4 years I have been her neighbor, I have never seen her eat anything. But from what she tells me, she is a night time binger.

Then, I also have my sister in law, who is on the verge of being scrawny, is always saying she is fat. And she does this in front of my Husbands 2 sisters, that are on the heavy side. I never even acknowledge her. I just think it is rude that she does not realize who is in her presense when she complains.

On other notes, there are only 57 days until I turn 40. I worked out a short time today, trying to lose 15lbs by then, which I doubt will happen. But I keep this to myself. I hate to hear others complain, so I don’t do it to anyone else. Just my poor blog! And husband will be home tomorrow afternoon, only for the night, then down to TX for the night. On Friday I am watching one of my son’s classmates, while his Mom goes to a Dr appt. I really don’t want to, but my son went to their house for a playdate, so I owe her. The Mom is one of those pushy women, that try to get you to have parties for the products they are selling. She sells Arbonne. I have no use for anything I can’t get at my friendly neighborhood Target. She kept pushing me about having a party, until I had to explain, that I had noone to invite. Then she invited all the Moms at preschool to a party, but noone came. I felt sorry for her for about a second. I need to make some new friends, but I don’t want one that tries to get me to something I don’t want to do. so after Friday-I am even-steven!

Is spring ever going to get here? I am sick of hte cold. It is 13 degrees here today. They say it will “warm up” to 35 by this weekend. Break out the slip and slide!

Happy Birthday Mom

Today would have been my Moms 63rd birthday. She died 13 years ago from a massive heart attack. She never got to see my beautiful children. If I drank I would be toasting her with her favorite Lite beer, but I will make due with a glass of milk.

Happy Birthday Mom, I miss you and I love you. I hope the coolers are filled in heaven.

Deleted

I wrote a whole 2 paragraph post, then deleted it. It was so dull I could not hit the publish button. That is how my day is going. Hopefully something exciting will happen in the next few days, or I have a brainstorm of something intelligent to write about. Right now I am just frying my brain by watching Maggie and the Ferocious Beast and Franklin over and over.

Liar, liar

Today I wrote in the comments of a blog about how I don’t mind Husband being gone,at least for the first few days. I lied. He left today for a quite long trip. The kids, mainly daughter, were already crying for him a half hour after he left. Great, I only have to put up with it until Thursday. Of course he comes home that afternoon, and leaves again in the morning till Saturday afternoon. I guess it is because he has not taken a trip for over a month, except one overnight a few weeks back. It will certainly be a test for me, with both kids still not feeling 100%. And me still about only 99.6%. Both kids are actually already asleep, so maybe they will both wake up on the RIGHT side for the first time in weeks.

So I am sitting here watching Home Makeover, wishing I could make a difference like some of the people on this show. I wish I had a motto I lived by. Right now I just seem to slip from day to day. I feel I am hurting the kids, making them into my image, my shitty childhood re-lived, reinacted before my eyes. I have 60 days until I turn 40. I have done what I wanted to do by this age. Now I feel empty, lonely, alone. I love my Husband and my kids, but sometimes I feel incredibly alone, and long to just pack up and just start anew. But then again, I hate to leave my house. I would rather stay home than go anywhere. Husband always wants me to go on business trips with him, but I hate to have to find someone to stay with the kids. I feel I burden my Sister, since she is really the only one I trust to watch my babies. So how do I become a free spirited/stay at home Mom?

I DID get about an hour by myself today. I went to Chilis and had some southwest egg rolls and to Victorias Secret to buy myself some new undies. It felt very weird to be in a resturant alone. So I guess my dream of leaving it all would not work out to well huh?

Don’t smile for the camera!

All my life I have had people telling me to smile. It probably tops my list of pet peeves. I have never been a smiley person. Even in my wedding photos, there is only one picture of me showing teeth. I told the photographer right away, I am not a smiler. Nothing pisses me off more than someone yelling at me to smile, that causes a dorky look on my face, and I get more upset. Why do some people insist that everyone walks around all day with a big grin on their face?

I had a boss that would constantly tell me to smile. She had known me for years, and I finally got tired of it, and drew a fake smile on paper and put it over my mouth whenever she came into the room. Can’t a person just be shy and quiet? And why is the quiet shy person always labeled a bitch? I have had a bunch of people tell me that they thought I was a bitch or stuck up because I was so quiet.

I am working on the smile though. I have gone and got Invisaline braces, so my teeth will be beautiful and straight. It is my 40th b-day present to myself. Since an eye lift and tummy tuck are out, it is the next best thing! So when it is done, I will get the teeth whitened and hopefully be smiling up a storm. Now just to find my old boss……

One thing I am afraid of is that my daughter is very shy like me. When I leave her at school, she is sitting on the rug away from all the other kids. I ask her if she plays with the other kids and she says yes, but I still worry. Her teachers have never said anything but……I just don’t want her to be like me. Her father is so outgoing. He can start a conversation with just about anyone. I hope as she grows older she will get his personality. She already has my stubborness.

The story behind buy 1 get 1 free

When I first got married, I thought I would get pregnant right away. Even though my body was always “off” not getting my period without drugs. I did go to a Fertility Dr. ASAP, but being newly married, on a very small combined income, we could not do much in the way of treatment. Our insurance did not cover anything. The only good that came out of the first doctor was I found out I had a low thyroid.

We decided to take a chance, move to Wisconsin to work for a different company. Both Husband and I were offered jobs, at a higher rate of pay to boot. (Not much, but back then it was a fortune!) I started going to a new fertility doc who had a great reputation. And my insurance offered to pay for some of the treatment. Fastforward about 5 years, I finally got hte news I had been waiting for. I was pregnant! (I never did take a preg. test then either-I have never seen a positive test!) But it was short lived, because 1 day before a family trip to NC, I went in for an ultrasound. The nurse (who was my favorite at the clinic) did the internal US, just flatly said, “There’s nothing there.” And walked out. Leaving me in tears and with very very overstimulated ovaries. I had to go back to work, tell Husband our dream was over. He knew somehow. I did not even have to tell him. The next day we left to drive to NC, me with severe cramps and the worse period ever. Going to the beach to spend time with Husbands family. (lots of kids to make matters worse) While there my ovaries decided to really hyperstimulate, causing me to have to go to the local medical clinic. Some good painkillers later, I was back at the house.

After that, our insurance coverage had run out, so I tried some other non-medical infertility treatments like seeing a therapist dealing mainly with infertility and herbal drugs. The therapist was probably the biggest help to me, not that I got pregnant, but I was finally able to put to rest alot of past childhood. My parents divorced when I was 5 and my Mom was not really there for us as kids. (My sister and I) My Father took custody of us when I was 8, and life got better, but there was still a ton of stuff I had repressed.

Then we started into the adoption process. I will detail this later, but it did take us 3 years to finally adopt our son after 4 failed adoptions. All the others were girl babies. But in Jan of 2003 I had my little miracle in my arms. It was so worth the wait. I look back now, and realize how hard it would have been had I had a baby when we were first married. I never would have been able to stay home likeI do now. Then we decided we had enough of driving back down to Illinois to visit family. We had done this for years, driving down both Xmas Eve and Day, because of the dogs. We sold our house to a neighbors friend, no hasseling, bought our new house in IL no hasseling and had our first Christmas as a new family close to our family, with no tolls!

I had been gaining some weight, which was odd for me, but I thought it was just age and being home with an 11 month old. I called a new Dr. close to home and went in to explain all my past woes, never expecting what I heard & saw next. I expected an exam, but after she saw my growing belly, she said it might be fibroidal tumors. I thought to myself, just give me a hysterectamy, because nothing works anyhow. She went and got a portable US machine and put it to my stomach. She just got a huge grin on her face. There was a 4 month old fetus! I had never felt sick, just tired, which I atributed to my son. I went home to tell Husband, he then called his entire family. I felt very strange telling anyone yet. I felt at any minute, someone was going to tell me it was a joke. Even when I started showing, I worried it would not come to fruition. Every Dr appt I would hold my breath, waiting to NOT hear the heartbeat. I was so paranoid. I really had wanted to see a positive pregnancy test (the stick) but I was afraid I would jinx myself if I did it. I would have liked to have bought one just to see the look on the clerks face, me with a huge belly and all.

But low and behold, in June of 2004 my beautiful daughter came into the world bt C-section weighing in at a whopping 8lbs 6oz.  I will post some pictures as soon I figure out how too!

That is all for now, thanks for reading!

Bor-ring

Wel I had a very exciting Valentines Day. Husband went back to work after being home 3 days sick. Daughter went to school after missing 2 days, 1 for the snow, another from being sick. I was all set to run on the treadmill, then the school called. She said she had a tummy ache and wanted to come home. Well great. I did tell her to have them call me if she felt sick, but I had hoped she would be excited about her first V-Day party. I think she really did have a tummy ache, because she came home, pooped and felt much better. So I missed my workout, but started cleaning.
When I get on a cleaning streak, watch out! I straightened the basement (previously cleaned up) did about 5 loads of laundry, put away 4 loads (still one in dryer-bed time came too quick) and took apart the sectional couch to clean underneath and under cushions. That was a gros task, but one that was sadly needed. Any of you with dogs and kidsknow what I am talking about. I don’t think the couch has been moved since we got it over a year ago and I have cleaned under the cushions, I just can’t remember when. I found more play money change than I did real money, but I was happy I did it. I also cleaned daughters art area, behind our couch. She loves to cut scraps of paper up, so there was quite a mess. I actually even managed to do this the day before garbage day-Yeah me!
So my dear Husband came home to me not even showered, but with a cleaner house, which has been sadly put on the back burner as of late. He cooked a great meal of Beef tenderloin, zucchini and roasted potatos. Yummy!
And of course today I have not cleaned a thing. I have been trying to do something small each day, so I am not so overwhelmed. But I guess it will have to wait until tomorrow.
Did I ever mention that I love Craigslist? Where else can you unload stuff you don’t want and have people begging you for it? I put an ad for a train table and had 19 hits in less than an hour. I ended up picking a single father to give it to. I could have sold it, but then it always seems like a haggling hassle, so Hubby and I agreed to give it away. It makes me feel good that it is going to someone who will really appreciate it. So hopefully this weekend my basement will be a bit lighter!
Ok-enough of this boring entry, I need to get in the shower! I will post more on my adoption/pregnancy journey this weekend.